Caller: You're afraid of spiders?

Nick: No, I'm not. I used to as a child. I used to run screaming from the room, but I just don't like them. We got a spider living in the living room. Oh, erm, it's the size of a small car. But I don't want to hit it or anything 'cus I've sort of got used to it. You know, while I'm watching Letterman, that's the time that it seems to come out. It raises itself up about three or four feet on these legs that it's got, and then it just like charges across the room, and you can see it out of the corner of your eyes like this huge thing. I mean it's virtually erm, it could carry a back pack along with it, it's huge. You know, it's almost become like part of the family now.

Caller: I know exactly what you mean, you don't want to kill 'em but you just don't want to have them around.

Nick: It's like a pet. I'm getting sick of buying spider food at the supermarket for it, I can tell you that.

Caller: Yes, my little boy was going to bed one night and er, I couldn't get him into sleep and he said there's a spider up there, just above the window. And I said I'll get rid of it, just tap it out the window. Don't kill it, just tap it out the window. Next minuet it's up your arm. And what do you do? It's running up your arm and you're still trying to look macho. You don't want to scare the child.

Nick: [Laugh] So what did you do?

Caller: Me, I just sort of froze on the spot. [Pause] That's it. Speak to you again.

Nick: Oh, that was it?

Caller: Yeah, that's it.

Nick: Your child is going to have absolutely no respect, this is like a defining moment in his life, do you understand that? No respect for you *whatsoever*.

Caller: Yeah, but I didn't show him I was scared.

Nick: No, but they, they can sense these things. Like dogs, but just don't feed it like one, and don't rub it's nose in it when it er... you know, in the wrong place. Doesn't work.